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Dave Chappelle Jokes: David Khari Webber Chappelle is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and producer – Today we have a treat for you with these laugh-out-loud jokes.
If you want to be known as the gag master amongst friends (or you just want to brighten up your day) you’ve come to the right …
In this article we’re gonna showcase Dave Chappelle’s comedic superpower.
Below are 20 of Dave Chappelle Jokes, the finest – all jokes he’s used in his shows.
Buckle up and prepare to laugh out loud.
Let’s get started…
1. Wow! That’s a good question. Is ‘I don’t know’ an acceptable answer?
2. Every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it. I’m serious for safety, cuz, when the sh*t goes down, someone is gonna need to talk to the police.
3. The language you are about to hear…is disturbing.
4. You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
5. New white people, you can’t scare these white people, I tried.
6. What did the five fingers say to the face? SLAP!
7. Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!
8. I’m not smoking crack. I’m definitely stressed out.
9. Have you ever watched, like, a cartoon that you used to watch when you were little, as an adult? I was sittin’ there with my nephew. I turned it on Sesame Street. And I was, like, “Oh, good. Sesame Street. Now he’ll learn how to count and spell.
But now I’m watching it as an adult and I realize that Sesame Street teaches kids other things. It teaches kids how to judge people and label people.
They got this one character named Oscar. They treat this guy like sh*t in the entire show. They judge him right to his face. “Oscar, you are so mean. Isn’t he kids?” “Yeah. Oscar, you’re a grouch!” He’s, like, “B*tch, I live in a f*cking trash can! I’m the poorest motherf*cker on Sesame Street. Nobody’s helping me.”
Now you wonder why your kids grow up and step over homeless people, like, “Get it together, grouch. Get a job, grouch.”
10. Just cuz I eat Chicken and Watermelon they think that something’s wrong with me. Let me tell you somethin if you don’t like chicken and watermelon, something is wrong with you, there is something wrong with you!
Where are all these people who don’t like Chicken and Watermelon? I’m sick of hearing about how bad it is, it’s great!
I’m waiting for Chicken to approach me to do a commercial n*gga, I’ll do it for free Chicken!
It’s the least I can do.
11. Like, see, I’d never vote for George Bush Junior, but I don’t know anything about his politics. All I know about that George Bush Junior is that the guy sniffed cocaine.
That’s right. Now, listen, we can’t have that sh*t in the White House.
That may be fine for a mayor; but goddammit, not the White House! The stakes are too high. He’d be sellin’ nuclear secrets for 20 or 30 dollars and sh*t.
12. The worst thing to call somebody is “crazy.” It’s dismissive. I don’t understand this person, so they’re crazy.
People are not crazy.
They are strong people.
Maybe the environment is a little sick.
13. Why don’t you click your heels three times and go back to Africa.
14. What is wrong with me? I just bought a bag of weed from an infant.
15. Remember what the Bible says: He who is without sin, cast the first rock. And I shall smoketh it.
16. New white people, you can’t scare these white people, I tried.
17. The old baby on the corner trick, not gonna fall for that sh*t.
18. I’ve been a comedian since I was fourteen. But I’ve never really been a CEO.
19. I don’t like letting my friends drive drunk, but I was smoking a joint I really couldn’t say sh*t to the guy.
20. Is this the 5:00 Free Crack Giveaway?
Conclusion: Best Dave Chappelle Jokes
There you have it!
My favorite was the No. 9 Sesame Street gag – so funny to look back at something like that as an adult – a great piece of observation, Dave!
Keep The Bounce In Your Mojo Today!