10 Best David Letterman Top 10 Lists (2024)

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Letterman Top 10 Lists: The Letterman Top Ten List was a regular segment on the television program Late Night with David Letterman and the Late Show with David Letterman.

Perhaps Letterman’s greatest late-night show legacy was his nightly Top 10 lists.

We’ve rounded up the best top 10 for your amusement

Buckle up, as we’re ready to give you the deets of David Letterman’s Best Top Ten Lists of all time.

(To compile this Letterman best top 10 list, we took the top-viewed YouTube videos and most talked-about across the Internet).

10 Best David Letterman Top 10 Lists

1.Top 10 Things Dave Prays to God Won’t Happen in 1988

Letterman Top 10


1. U.N. declares “International Year of the Vee-Jay”

2. Nabisco introduces Hair Newtons

3. Guests take me up on offer to “come back anytime”

4. Bryant Gumbel joins the carpool

5. Fans find out I’m voice of Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs bird

6. Peter Ueberroth allows Tommy Lasorda to manage nude

7. National Guard units start taking orders from Buck Owens

8. Copy turns up of my old movie, “Cockpit Sex Fest”

9. Leonard: Part 7

10. Venus slips out of orbit, scrapes Earth, I have to replace gutters

2. Bernhard Goetz’s Top 10 Pick Up Lines

Letterman Top 10

1. “Excuse me, Miss. I was shooting at the gentleman next to you.

2. “How’d you like to double date with the Sliwas?”

3. “Care to dance with an intense gun-toting loner?”

4. “You would have a very curvy chalk outline.”

5. “I hate these pistol ranges, they’re just meat markets.”

6. “Sure, I know Gabe Pressman personally.”

7. “Give me a scotch and soda and see what the punk on the floor will have.”

8. “Which do you think is funnier – DeathWish II or DeathWish III?”

9. “The evening is young. Let’s clean up this town.”

10. “That is a gun in my pocket, and I am glad to see you.”

3. Elvis Presley’s Top 10 Household Hints

Letterman Top 10

1. A little club soda will get food stains out of satin capes.

2. Bargain metal polishes may discolor solid gold piano.

3. Use a blow dryer to speed up defrosting time on TV dinners.

4. A wad of gum will keep the medallion from sliding around your chest.

5. Stubborn stain on auto upholstery? Buy a new car.

6. Jewel-encrusted belts make good emergency snow treads.

7. Put Las Vegas souvenirs on the mantle for “museum” effect.

8. Out of hairspray? Try Pam.

9. For a classy dessert, remove sticks from Eskimo Pies before serving.

10. A small handgun makes any TV remote control.

4. Top 10 Ways the Country Would be Different if Brittney Spears Were President (2009)

Letterman Top 10

1. I’d be the first President since Nixon to wear eye shadow.

2. We would only invade fun places like Cabo

3. Free pie for everybody.

4. My situation room would be a cabana at the Palms Casino in Las Vegas

5. I’d lure Osama out of hiding with the irresistible scent of my new fragrance called “Circus Fantasy”

6. Every presidential news conference would feature costume changes

7. America might have a more coherent fiscal strategy

8. Challenge U.S. to put a nightclub on the moon by the end of the decade

9. Three words: Vice President Diddy

10. Finally the media would pay some attention to me

5. Top Ten President Obama Excuses

Letterman Top 10

1. “I haven’t slept an hour since 2008”

2. “Romney’s hair is mesmerizing”

3. “Didn’t want to wake Jim Lehrer”

4. “Haven’t been the same since I quit smoking”

5. “Honestly, I thought the debate was next week”

6. “I live with my mother-in-law, what do you want from me?”

7. “Kept blanking on what percentage of the country Mitt’s written off”

8. “Skipped rehearsal, just like Letterman”

9. “Why don’t you ask Bin Laden how I did?”

10. “It’s Bush’s fault”

6. Top Ten Ways The Show Has Changed Since 1993

Letterman Top 10

1. Now do the bulk of my drinking after the show

2. People used to pretend to like me. Now they pretend to tolerate me

3. Global warming has raised theater temperature to 38 degrees

4. I lost 280 pounds with Deal-a-Meal

5. Crazy lady we used to piss off: Madonna. Now crazy lady we piss off: Sarah Palin

6. Audience is here to see if I drop dead on stage

7. Dwindling amount of hate mail; burgeoning amount of hate e-mail

8. Every ten minutes someone is dropping a flashlight

9. Used to talk with the sexiest women in the world. Now I interview Artie Lange

10. Emmy Awards replaced with Fire Dave rallies

7. Top Ten Things I Have Learned Working For “The Late Show”

Letterman Top 10


1.“It’s much easier if I just tell people I work for Leno” (Musical Director, Paul Shaffer)

2. “All kidding aside, Dave really is an ass****” (Executive Producer, Jude Brennan)

3.“When Regis calls, Dave’s in a meeting” (Executive Assistant to David Letterman, Laurie Diamond)

 4.“You don’t need good looks or talent to get your own show” (Stage Manager, Biff Henderson)

5.“We really are a family, and Dave is the crazy uncle everyone is hoping will be put in a home”(Writer, Gerard Mulligan)

 6.“The hours may be long, but the money sucks” (Make Up Artist, Michele O’Callaghan)

7.“Jennifer Lopez is a hellcat in bed” (Film Coordinator, Rick Scheckman)

8.“I have utterly and completely wasted my life” (Associate Producer, Nancy Agostini)

9.“That moron couldn’t remember his name if it wasn’t on cue cards” (Cue Cards, Tony Mendez)

10.“Most of audience — prison inmates” (Line Producer, Kathy Mavrikakis)

8. Top Ten Reasons I’m glad to be named Justin Bieber

Letterman Top 10


1. It’s good to be a popstar without having to audition for Steven Tyler

2. I’m briefed each morning by the CIA

3. Cross me and I’ll have 50,000 screaming girls come to your house and mess you up

4. When I’m sick, my doctor makes hilarious jokes about “Bieber Fever”

5. The chance to visit the late show and my idol, Paul Shaffer

6. At the barber shop I can say, “Give me the me”.

7. For joke #4, go see “Justin Bieber: Never Say Never,” in theaters February 11th.

8. Looking forward to starring in my CBS show, ” CSI: Bieber”

9. If I tweet “I just sneezed” a billion people will tweet ” Gesundheit”

10. Reading my fan mail from Letterman

Check Out David Letterman Final Top 10 List…

9. Ricky Gervais shares the Top 10 Stupid Things Americans Say To Brits

Letterman Top 10

1. Is it Halloween or are those your real teeth?

2. Do you know the queen?

3. What language are you speaking? I don’t understand you.

4. Do you eat anything that doesn’t come in pie form?

5. Seriously, are those your real teeth?

6. When are you coming to collect Posh and Becks?

7. Sorry, are you speaking English because I’ve got no idea what you’re speaking

8.What do you mean ‘let’s go and smoke a fag’?

9. Seriously, say that one more time, but this time in American

10. Do you know what England should do – its own version of “The Office”

10. Robert De Niro and Al Pacino’s Top 10 Reasons I Like Being An Actor

Letterman Top 10

1. Sometimes when I go to the movies, the popcorn guy will give me a free squirt of chemical butter (Al Pacino)

2. Every time I go to work, I get to ask myself, “I wonder if I’ll see Harvey Keitel naked?” (Robert De Niro)

3. Well, you’ve got to keep honing your craft or you could end up out of the business and taking a job as governor of California (Al Pacino)

4. If you do a scene where you’re eating pudding, they often let you keep the pudding (Robert De Niro)

5. I got to meet spider-man (Al Pacino)

6. It’s the makeup – I like wearing the makeup (Robert De Niro)

7. You get to make films for personal reasons – I made “righteous kill” to let people know I’m still alive (Al Pacino)

8. I get to make films for personal reasons – I made “righteous kill” to see if I was still alive (Robert De Niro)

9. Beats my old gig as a hockey mom (Al Pacino)

10. Get to read well-crafted dialogue like “Get the __ out of here” (Robert De Niro)

Conclusion: 10 Best David Letterman Top 10 Lists

Have you wondered what David Letterman’s Net Worth is? 

Now, here it is!

David Letterman was an American television host for over 33 years, a comedian, a producer, and a writer. He’s considered to be one of the twenty richest TV-hosts in the world. 

As of 2024, David Letterman’s net worth is $400 million dollars – read all about it [here]. 

Yes, you read that right. 

So there you have it..

We hope we made you giggle with these David Letterman Top Ten Lists.

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